Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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