but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize