I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
