I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
