She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
