I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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