well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
