Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I love black thongs
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
