The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My nipple is on Facebook.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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