textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
