i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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