Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
