check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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