I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
