DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
