i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize