Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
