I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
sarcasm needs its own font
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
