i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Holy sore nipples Batman
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
