they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
