Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
