I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
