some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Im part way to drunk.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
