I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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