So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
