My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
