I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
