her vagine was all disorganized.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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