I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
