you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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