Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
