is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am available for nakedness
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
