When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
