Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
