This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
