All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
