You smell like stripper and shame
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
