the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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