My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
