no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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