Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
