My brain says no but my pants say off.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you win again, gameday.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
