i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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