I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The struggles of a small town man whore
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
