i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
