i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I am one with the molecules
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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