your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You ruined the universe
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
