Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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