you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
