Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
