If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
