well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize