i already hear my dad disowning me
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
