nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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