White coat. Heels.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
