Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
