when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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