Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
