she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
