I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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