Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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