Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
