I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
