fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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