Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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